It’s rare for me to set goals in life. Lately, though, I have had the goal to find a person who I can share sexual relations with who will not get on my god damn last nerve. She doesn’t have to be amazingly gorgeous or incredibly smart… She just needs to fit very easy-to-live-by criteria: (more…)
The true nature of the universe has always eluded me. Contrary to popular opinion, I am no deity, and thus, I have no real answers. All I have had were a series of interesting questions which often display contradictions in the most prevalent belief systems. However, this is no more, for I have see the moist, warm, soft mouth of Nirvana and have come back to tell all of you about it.
It starts on a rather normal day. I wake up at 1:20pm, and take a shower. However, I could tell something was amiss. There was this nagging feeling that I was being watched by higher being. As I lathered, rinsed, and repeated, the feeling intensified. I had an ever increasing feeling of self consciousness. It became so bad, I remained flaccid even as I gazed upon my manly physique in the bathroom mirror. Clearly, this feeling was going to fuck up my day if I did not do something about it. So, I did what most people do under these circumstances… I watched TV. That’s when it happened… (more…)
In every story, there is an antagonist… someone who causes something to happen. The shitstarter… to put it appropriately. Normally, I am this person. However, in this particular instance, I am the protagonist and my bodily functions are the antagonist. This story is about what happens when your body decides to give you flakey signals. It happens to everyone at some point in your life. Anyone who claims otherwise I deem to be a damn liar… or just fighting the odds. I’m not begging for sympathy, don’t get me wrong. I just think this story is far too funny to remain untold. So, enough introduction; on with the tale!
Starbucks coffee… it tastes like dirt in a glass, but I find that somewhat appealing. “Triple shot espresso, please.” Mmm, OUCH hot… fuck! “I’ll have a Latte`,” Matt lisped. He always sounds kinda fruity when he orders things. Dunno why, he’s perfectly straight. I guess he must have picked it up from someone he admired. Ehsan orders nothing. He’s a great guy, but kinda cheap. We sip our coffee in the car. We had another destination to go to. Target, the superstore that is just begging to be shot at. Matt needed some things for his room, and probably wanted some CD’s. Ehsan needed provisions as well. Me? I just wanted a belt. (more…)